| Shits and Giggles | |||||||||||||||||
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An old farmer is having trouble getting is bull to breed with the cows and is lamenting the fact to a few of his friends down at the local beer hall. One of them says, "Ya know, Ben, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but I got it fixed really quick." "How did you get it fixed?" "Well, I just dipped my finger in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all over the bull's nose and he got right after her." Ben goes home to the farm and decides to try it. He grabs a cow,dips his fingers in the cow's vagina and rubs it all around the bull's nose. The bull gets a rip roaring boner and jumps on the cow immediately. Ben was impressed. That night, Ben gets into bed with his wife and can't get the effect on the bull out of his mind. As she lays sleeping, Ben dips his fingers into his wife's vagina and feeling that it's nice and wet, he rubs it all around his nose and gets a rip roaring hard on. He quickly shakes his wife awake and cries out,"Honey, look!" She rolls over, turns on the light and says, "You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show me that you have a nosebleed?" OOOOOHhhhhhhhhhh ..... -------------------------------------- A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well," said her mother, "so - how was the honeymoon?" "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MAMA!" "Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE !!!" "Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like: Dust, Wash, Iron, Cook..." |
25 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK... 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2.��It reduces stress. 3.��It leads to more honest communications. 4.� It reduces complaints about low pay. 5.� It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6.� Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7.��It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8.��It encourages carpooling. 9.��Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care. 10.�It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11.�It makes fellow employees look better. 12.�It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13.�Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14.�Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable. 15.�Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing. 16.�Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar. 17.�It makes everyone more open with their ideas. 18.�Everyone agrees the work is better after they've had a couple of drinks. 19.�Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break. 20.�Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked. 21.�It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union. 22.�The janitor's closet will finally have a use. 23.�Employees no longer need coffee to sober up. 24.�Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross," 25.�Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language A Scotsman stopped off for a few drinks at his local pub. On his way home he was having trouble navigating, so he decided to take a little rest by the roadside. As he was snoring gently, two girls came by and one said to the other, "You know, they say Scotsmen go naked under their kilts...shall we see if it's true? "Her companion eagerly agreed, and when they lifted his kilt they found the story to be true indeed. In fact, what greeted their eyes was so pleasing that one of the girls took her blue hair ribbon and tied it around the man's dick as he slept. Not too much later the Scotsman awoke, and when he stood up to take a pee he got quite a start at the sight of the blue ribbon. "Hoot mon!"� he exclaimed. "I don't know what you've been up to, but I'm certainly glad to see you took first place." | ||||||||||||||||
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Blowing Chunks! After a hard day at the office, three guys decide to go out for a cocktail to wind down. The bar becomes very crowded, a few drinks turns into many and soon everyone is tanked. All three lose track of each other and end up going home separately. The next day at the office, the three gather by the watercooler to discuss the past evenings events. The first guy says, "I got so drunk last night that I went home and blew chunks." The second guy pipes in, "That's nothing. I got so drunk that I got in my car and drove it right into a telephone pole. Totaled it. I didn't get hurt but now I have no car." The third guy says, "Well, I got so drunk that when I got home, I cussed my girlfriend out and knocked over a candle which lit the apartment on fire. She dumped me, all my belongings are destroyed and the home insurance won't cover the damage." The first guy motions the two to come closer and whispers,"I'm not sure you understand. Chunks is my dog ------------------- One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear: "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-liketone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER"? | |||||||||||||||||
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